Welp...herpes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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