i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
