I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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