News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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