so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
