There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
