Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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