i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
the raccoons are back...
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