i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
