I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
