I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
