I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
