I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
