Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
