the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
