loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize