I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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