I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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