A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
