the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
