ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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