i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
