Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
