Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
