i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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