ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize