at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
