I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
