You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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