If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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