I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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