I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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