if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We have started to decorate penises.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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