this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
