I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
