the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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