you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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