And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
