I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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