If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
