I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
