Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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