I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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