Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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