Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
