You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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