Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
