My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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