You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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