hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize