The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
