so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
