I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
