How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
