my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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