Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
