Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Randomize
