They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
