Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
