I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
