debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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