Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
