Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
