So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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