how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize