And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
