I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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