The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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