Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
