You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
