hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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