thus making me awesome and them whores
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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