She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was CRYING into my vagina
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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