i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
