The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
