and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
