I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
