Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
