I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
