oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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