it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
