Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
