I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
