'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
