But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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