Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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