did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
