And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
