is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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