so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize