Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh god it's open bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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